Jamie kept a online blog of lyrical rhymes. Here's one he wrote about his life before & after meeting me. This is for Lexi ( Keep Trying!) These are some of the lyrics that I thought would be a good way of expressing how I was feeling before meeting my wife Lexi. I have put them in a way as to say to people who feel like giving up, "Keep Trying!". I was ready to give up on everything until Lexi came into my life. I had already got my suicide and everything prepared. Lex has given me the feeling of enjoyment in life and her friends who have accepted me have also shown me, "Life is a wonderful thing, Embrace it while you can!". I hope you enjoy...... Ode To Lexi(Keep Trying,Don't Give Up!) Ladies and gents,please stay sitting You may feel faint from the words that I'm spitting Trying to get as many syllables to fit in Each line I say to you now Some say ok and others ask me how? How do I do what I do! Then write it down when I've been through what I've been through? It all began when my mind split into two I started rhyming words even I didn't know I knew Flowing from my soul and over my lips to you I'm not mad,I ain't crazy I may have been once but I'm no Slim Shady! Everyone knew I was different since being a baby Knowing my demise and thinking what will fucking save me? I got offered a helping hand From a big horned heavy set Red Man He filled me with hatred, gave me a pocket full of sand My head filled with torment and a hope to kick the can I had a nasty drug fuelled habit Not funny, no money and a life worth shit More than I could chew was what I had bit Stuck for a lifetime in a self loathing pit I felt sick, had to sit Felt vile and the bile, I got a taste of it Heavy drug abuse left me stuck on an eternal trip Rotting like fruit but fortunate I am the pip I'm on the edge and all it takes is one slip Losing my mind, man I got to get a grip Will I ever feel safe to walk down a street and maybe stand on my own two feet? Learn the meaning of life and turn down the heat? Keep what I've learnt and remember what to keep! Get some sleep, take a sleeper I was to afraid that I'd meet the Reaper Begging, screaming Paranoid to the point there was nothing less demeaning I wanted to be trusted so agreed to drug screening Negative results for all the drugs I used to take A constant reminder for my stupid mistakes It's Birthday and no fucking cake A massive head ache and as usual I'm late great! And just for fucks sake, My mind & body couldn't cope with the intake When and why or maybe maybe never I might have a chance to put an end to this terror If I can just find the secret lever My suffering will end from what my mind does endeavour Switch off the shit that makes me the error "Error!" "Reload Page!" This is what my mind repeatedly says I'm only 23 but look 49 in age It makes me feel caged and fills me with rage A tainted mind,soul and heart Was once one but then was ripped apart From the start my mental health diminished Don't recall the beginning but prepared for the finish! I release my frustrations and shit I don't like Write them down on paper as I don't have a mic I suppose it's better than the light of a crack pipe You can take class C's A's and B's and have 'em And if I was to ever slip and trip taking another dip inside that cavern I'd end up a thug, A waste of space mug Hooked again on the drug that almost left me in the mud Inside of the hole that I myself had dug Being feasted upon by the worst of bugs Can I be saved Before I end up in my grave Because of being a slave to a money making trade? Dealers don't care it's your life gave Left to fade into the life that you made! My life felt like I was on a turn table Without a gap Just a trap and slap The excuse that I ain't able Too pathetic to escape this vicious circle I woke every morning feeling shit Steal something quick so I don't get sick And was it all worth that one lousy hit? And the same tomorrow,you don't want a life like this Never a hit and always a miss Day after day taking the piss Another punch in the face from a class A fist! Are you getting the jist? Wishing for a piece of pie so humble Instead I got a cookie that did fuck all but crumble Words I spoke came out in a mumble A trip and shit, I'm heading for a tumble Leaving me where? Do I really care? Sitting here in a pit of despair Trapping me in a institution Is this an illusion, alien intrusion, just a delusion? Confusion Voices commanding me to do what I don't want to do If I disobey I get pain through & through Five years later, still incarcerated, slated I'm the cheese waiting to be grated I then felt unusually elated Said to myself that I'll do what I can Try and fix what I had caused when the shit hit the fan I shed a lot of weight from all the crap I ate I was so greedy I would've if I could've eaten the plate Kept the weight away and bad food I was refraining from eating that crap and focused on my training Physically, mentally better, posting a mental lyrical letter To my subconscious not to forget Mind and body ready and set Left my home of medium secure Hoping my plan hadn't a flaw When I get free I will go and score, ending my life just once more! I met someone who left me unsure Of my plan and opened a door I always tried to smile but inside I was hurting My entire life was what I'll be forever regretting This person, she showed me the way Kept me close by so that I wouldn't stray Visited me day after day, my heart felt strange but in a good way Indescribable so much that words cannot say There was a day she was unable to visit It'd be ok, one day, I could live it I had a hug for her but was unable to give it Feelings I couldn't describe, then I realized Tears I was unable to hide as I cried To whom can I confide, Imagining me and her kissing Feeling sad because it was her I was missing Her name, Lexi, so sexy and never had she kept me Hidden from the feelings that she had to let me Know all along, please I need forgiving 6months of hints that she'd been giving I needed a swift kick up the ass, we spoke of our pasts as we sat on the grass How shit they were, she held my hand I held hers Hoping that she wouldn't notice my tears From insecure fears Never did I think that she would be my wife and life would be great, no hate It don't get given on a plate You have to work for it bit it's well worth the wait No if it's rainy or outside it's grey It's always to me a sunny day I love my life and I love living Thanks to Lexi for helping and giving A meaning of a life worth while Guaranteed to to win the race, first place To the very last mile So whenever you think you can't go on, remember these few things to be done You get your fair share of bastards and bitches Bruised emotions and scars that won't need stitches Glitches, then you stuck in the ditches But some day be it grand, comes a helping hand Life is unpredictable and not explainable But one thing that is obtainable A fact that is sustainable and that is there is soulmate for all A long long run is that last mile But worth it at the end because waiting is love and smile!!! For anyone who got sick of reading that halfway through I do apologise. I get carried away sometimes and believe it or not I have shortened this version. Just imagine it a blog entry but rhyming all the way. Hope you enjoyed. I have to dedicate this one to my wonderful wife Lexi, who has given me the inspiration to write down my feelings although they be in rhyme. Love you always Lex.